portrait

My me-too story

I'm not sure where to start. But I guess the beginning was when I was in my late teens, early twenties. I never really knew much about relationships. I started dating when I was 18. But I never knew anything about who I was or about what I should be in a relationship. I had depression most of my life and this was the first girl who told me I was important and that she cared about me. This changed my life so much I got engaged to my first girlfriend. As with any relationship, there were ups and downs. While she helped me through my depression, I still didn't who know who I was. It ultimately made an unhealthy relationship.

I broke up with my fiance after I found myself being attracted to other men. Since sexuality was not taught to me, I did not know whether I was straight, gay, bi or even what any of those meant. Since I was engaged to my first girlfriend, I never got to explore my sexuality. So I broke up with my fiance and started dating other people.

While it seemed contrary, the first person I dated after my break up, was another girl. She was somebody I met online who shared interests with me. We spent a lot of time on the phone. I decided to meet her in person and drove to the dorm room that she lived in.

The date went well and we started making out. Soon it started getting more serious. It moved from kissing to foreplay. There was a part of me that did want to make love to her, but I wasn't ready. I was attracted to her and I have to admit there what's a part of me that wanted to have sex. However, it was moving very fast. She pushed me down on her bed and started taking off my clothes. I didn't know what I wanted, but I did know that if I was going to have sex I wanted to use protection. I said no. She did not stop.

I lied there as she forced herself on me. She held me down and kept going even though I said no. At that moment I was in a state of shock. I really had no idea what to do. I couldn't understand what was going on. I was okay with making out and this was a person I liked, but somehow it was all going wrong. When it was over, I didn't know how to deal with it. Part of me blamed myself. Somehow we kept on going that night without talking about what happened.

To be honest, I don't remember what exactly happened next. This happened over 20 years ago. My mind was also not in the right place. I do remember spending the night there. I also remember us having sex again after this happened. In my mind the deed had been done. If she had an STD or had gotten pregnant, then I was already screwed. For some reason, it didn't matter anymore. I really didn't fully understand the concept of consent, but it felt like we were past that point.

I couldn't understand how a person I cared about could do that to me. I also truly believe that she didn't know/understand what she was doing. Even to this day, I have trouble blaming her for what happened. Regardless, my life changed quite a bit after that day. I faced a number of humiliations. First thing I did was get an STD test. Soon the words "date rape" became evident. Although, even that did not come easy. I had college professors say that men could not be raped. I had friends and acquaintances make fun of me, saying that I was just trying to get attention. Several times I was challenged to justify the term of rape and I had to explain how a woman could have raped me. I also had trouble dating women after that day. I did find some romantic relationships but couldn't have sex. One girl I was dating left me after I told her what happened. At one point I decided to be purely gay as it made things easier in relationships. I had to go to therapy for quite a long time before I came to terms with what happened to me.

I wanted to tell my story because of the me-too movement. People should know that men can get raped too. I don't want sympathy. Ultimately, what did not kill me, made me stronger. I also found that being gay for a time in my life helped me see things from women's points of view. I had men hit on me and treat me like a piece of meat like I imagine women getting treated like. Eventually I came to the identity of being bisexual and married my wife of 17 years. She too has been sexually abused in her past, but that is her story. There are way too many stories of women out there being abused, assaulted, raped, discriminated against, etc. I guess it is time to break the silence and to start making change.
dave1

Old Intro entry

About myself ... My name is David Ano. I am a graphic designer/illustrator working at a local alternative newspaper. I dream of being a comic artist or writer, however being a father of five children takes up most my time.

About this journal/blog ... When I started, I used this LJ to post illustrations and comics. I still do from time to time, but less frequency. I then started using this journal as a personal diary. My daughter was in the hospital, our house burned down, I lost my job. It was a very hectic time. The problem is there are some people who only read my lj because I was an artist. So when crisis died down, I tried to make less diary posts (or moved the more wordy ones to another journal). More illustrations came back. Then in 2008 the elections came and I started getting editorial. I started getting my political comments on all sorts of NPR call-in shows. As the elections ended and many of the people who I voted for went into office, I had less to complain about. In 2009, my wife gave birth to our fourth daughter and I was also unemployed for most the year. I stopped paying the internet bill and stopped posting as much. In 2010, I got an awesome new job that I like to post about it. I am making political posts again. And every once in a while i still post an illustration.

Common Tags

Diary/Journal Entries

Illustrations and Comics

News/Editoral

Reviews











Also check out my old website a http://webpages.charter.net/davidano/ that has my old comics, my design portfolio and other stuff.

dave1

(no subject)



The original Glass–Steagall Act of 1933 worked for 66 years until it was repealed in 1999. Originally it limited commercial banks activities and affiliations with investment banks and securities firms. Once repealed, those banks went on to cause the U.S. financial crisis of 2007-2009 and the Global financial crisis of 2008-2009. The tax payers bailed out banks that were “too big to fail”, however we need to make sure this dos not happen again.



https://www.change.org/p/barack-obama-u-s-house-of-representatives-u-s-senate-support-s-1709-21st-century-glass-steagall-act-of-2015?recruiter=1637279&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink